Evolution, Anyone?

It is an absolute truth that in any and every situation regarding any and every topic, you can answer your own questions by asking yourself how you would feel if it were you. Let us review examples:

You loaned your friend $40, they swore they would pay you on Friday and suddenly they avoid you like a communicable disease. That sucked for you. If you say you will pay someone, pay up – or communicate.

Are you comfortable with being murdered because your murderer gave you a cushy bed and said nice things to you first? No. The cow is not OK with it because he was “free-range.” Similarly, you would not consider your own murder humane, no matter how hard someone tried to convince you.

Do you like being patted on the head? Your dog doesn’t, either.

Did you like it when your friend told your secrets and you had to do damage control? Yeah, she would probably expect you to honor that “between us” conversation, too.

…elementary, really. It is an age-old adage whereby you “put yourself in another’s shoes.” You think about how you would feel and, like magic, the answers are as clear as glass. Holy Concept, Batman!

Feel free to consider and post your very own examples below.

Dear God

Dear God (or Buddha, or Mary, or Zeus…),

It’s Cher.

Not your most favorite, I know. But I was hoping we could talk for a sec.

I’ve been having a difficult time lately. It seems I’m so busy that things are slipping. And by “things”, I mean my mind. If you could help me level out, I’d sure be happy.

I also wanted to thank you for making such cool words. Take “EXECUTE” for example… it can mean the beginning or the end. It’s a powerful word. You’re very clever. I use words often.

I have a couple of requests, if you’re not too busy…

First, could you hook me up with a teenie lotto win? I don’t need much, just maybe… fifty thousand bucks… so I could get that 2008 Shelby GT500 King? Even you would be impressed with its’ 540 horsepower 5.4L supercharged V8 with Ford Racing Power Pack upgrade, 3.73:1 rear axle ratio, short throw shifter and a beefed up suspension, unique Carbon composite hood, 18-inch wheels and special 40th Anniversary badging along with GT500 KR striping. Yeah – I know!

I figured that would be easier than asking for superpowers, right?

Also, if you could give my son a little scare. Not too much – just enough to make him want to make better choices. Wow, that’d be great. He really is a beautiful kid.

And can you please forgive me for not forwarding the emails? I didn’t know that the sacred angel came in emails and I haven’t forwarded a single one. So please don’t doom me forever to a loveless, friendless, penniless existence. If I had known you were counting email forwards as a means of entry into Heaven, I would have been sending them a long time ago. I didn’t mean it. I am truly, sincerely sorry.

The puppy was a great idea. Thank you for the puppy. And thank you for trees. I really love trees.

Just wondering – have you ever thought about giving your children an allowance? I used to think I wanted a career, but it turns out I just wanted a paycheck. So if I did some chores, maybe, would you consider giving me an allowance? Because I’d really like to explore this great world you’ve created and it’s kind of hard to do when I have to work all the time. Here are some things I think I could help you with:

Cleaning the ring around the oceans
Dusting the mountaintops (they collect pretty serious white dust!)
Vacuuming the forests
Sending thank-you notes to environmentalists

Oh! Maybe you could throw in some nice perks for my friends. After all, they put up with me all year long… As far as I can tell – they like cars, musical equipment, jewelry and techie gadgets.

Wow, they would really appreciate that. Thanks!

Oh, and if you’re not too tired – world peace would be cool. But if you’re too busy, don’t worry about that right now. I’m sure President Obama can handle it, temporarily. He seems to be doing a pretty nice job.

Thanks for listening.

Cher