The Occasional Regret


Sometimes I think it’s a burden to be so emotional- to want to save the world and to help everyone, all the time. I can’t imagine that it’s reasonable to most people. Like… when you step on the spider instead of putting it outside, it sincerely hurts my feelings. If you didn’t create that life, it is not yours to take. And the fact that we spend so much time hurting each other is something I still can’t get used to, no matter how old I am.

Where have we gone?

If I make introductions, I don’t want to later be forced into competitions or be made to defend myself to the people I care about, who really ought to know better. I don’t want to realize your agenda and have to process the feelings of knowing that I did this to myself by opening the door for you. I don’t want attacks to come from left field and I don’t think it’s fair to force third parties into a battle of sides. Your personal insecurities are wrecking me, as they have wrecked you so many times in the past.

I know I am at fault. I am reminded repeatedly to “say no”, but I can’t… I won’t. I will open the door and invite the vampire in with open arms and emotional heart… and I WILL have the nerve to be surprised as he goes for my neck, because it WILL still surprise me. But I don’t want to be someone like you. I want to love freely, to care sincerely and deeply. I want to be an open door.

Please, just today, take five minutes. Walk outside and breathe in this new warm air. And as you consider your areas of tension, please ask yourself if it’s REALLY that important. How will you feel about this in 5 years? In 10 years? Then force yourself to consider the things that truly move you and inspire you. Feel that love, and approach your world with that foundation glowing around you. I promise you that your life will change, and my life will thank you for it. Because really, what if you didn’t have tomorrow? Would it have been worth it?

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