I have been fortunate enough to have heart-to-hearts with some good friends who are struggling as of late (Betty, you’re my next target, haha!). But it hurts to think they are struggling so deeply when their hearts are so righteously aligned. I’ve been there. We’re all guilty of being hurt by people who aren’t worth the energy of our sadness. So why can’t we just shake it off? Will you really miss them? Sincerely – no. It is decidedly so.
So, these…. people – Have they not done you a favor? They have freed you from the personal attacks that you have been unaware of until now. And instead of wasting your good heart in wondering what you could have done differently, you can now move on to the people who deserve your good graces, and who would value time spent with you. YOU DESERVE MORE. And you’re a grown up – you get to pick who you let inside your circle!
Sure, friendships are like marriages. You won’t always agree. But a real friend is allowed to disagree with you – they will support you no matter. Every time I get into a situation where I think someone is being irrational, I think to myself…. “you know, Laura and I would never have this problem”, or… “Kevin would never behave like this. He would tell me if he was upset, we’d talk/repair/hug it out, and we’d be there for each other tomorrow”.
Of course, when you feel exhausted, you should know that sometimes it is OK to walk away. Someone said to me once “You can keep trying to repair the road, but if someone has taken the road away from you, then there is nothing to repair. You can’t do anything about that. You move on.” I consider that a beautiful piece of advice.
And MY advice, should you choose to accept it, is to take caution in new friendships. Because what you say will most definitely come back to you. But not via the good intention with which you delivered it (to a person who made you feel safe). It will come back in force – skewed, stretched… engorged. Take your time. Trust no one. There’s a reason why your real friends have been around for years and years. Value those people. They deserve you.