Last night when I came home from work, my lovely Femi (see photo) was so very very happy to see me. She knocked things over with her tail and followed me for a good ten minutes. And since it was pretty late and I was all alone, it really got me thinking…
She’s nine years old this past December. She has Lyme’s Disease and it affects her joints. Her eyes are clouding over and she’s getting pretty cranky. But she loves me. Every moment of every day, she loves me like no one ever has – just as she has for the past 7 years. She was one of my rescues and I absolutely fell in love with her. I will nuzzle her face and kiss her and roll around on the floor with her and sleep in her doggie-hair bed every single day. She is the best dog anyone has ever had.
I write this because it reminded me of a couple of times in the past when “significant” others would become angry with me because they believed I loved my dog (or my car) more than I loved them. And last night I realized that, in fact, I DID love her more. The awareness was a bit startling, but it really was true. I don’t know if that makes me a bad person, but when she passes it will hurt a whole lot more than it hurt losing any one of them. Irrelevant at this point, but wow! That must have sucked!
I’d like to say I am sorry, but I don’t feel sorry. Because she deserved my love. She didn’t lie, cheat, scam or abandon. She greeted me with love every time I walked in the door. So I can’t be sorry. I am no longer making excuses for being me. These days, I simply say: “That’s what I do”, because I am me. And you can take it or leave it.
So I will go home tonight to be greeted by the world’s greatest dog (in the world!!), and I will get on the floor in my suit and roll around with her and kiss her stinky-dog face and be so very thankful that I have been blessed with at least one beautiful life force that was strong enough to love me for me, every single day. I hope you can find the same.